Calm, Cool & Collected in Coral (Despite Dealing with The Ds)

Calm, Cool & Collected in Coral (Despite Dealing with The Ds)

It’s Day 238 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project, and despite dealing with the  Ds -more dastardly, despicable deeds from a persistent hater – I’m feeling calm, cool, and collected in coral. There’s a Maya Angelou quote that The Lattes (comprised of myself and two other African American women + one Caucasian = coffee with milk) adhere to: “When people show you who they, believe them.” Because she’s without guile and doesn’t detect it in others, one of the women, Delorise, got burned by someone full of it and amended the words of wisdom to include: “And adapt accordingly”. The bad news is while I’ve seen who this individual is for over twenty years and believe them, I failed to adapt accordingly to protect myself. The good news is, another one of the Lattes, Terri, reminded me that I’ve been delivered from all of my Ds. Therefore, I can still be cool, calm and collected in coral despite dealing with the Ds.

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Me, Pink Collar Coach, in coral Calvin Klein. The ribbed sweater, dark stretch jeans, and reversible handbag are all comfy, business casual oldies. The CK shoes are a newer TJMaxx find. The strained smile on my face is not due to stress but striving to strike the right pose for my 6’4″ hubby/photographer. I’m 5’1″ so this is always a challenge. He’s a great sport and support! : )

If you’re anything like me, style and color can impact your mood. Knowing I had a trying day ahead of me, I opted to wear bright, cheerful coral that contrasts with the dreary (another D) winter landscape. Seeing how much I enjoy fashion, I’m not surprised that this colorful style made me smile. Dating back to when I was a child, facing any situation dressed in a color I loved (usually pink or some soft shade like peach or coral) made it easier to get up and out the door. It lifted my mood and I’d find myself smiling. The challenge or negative situation didn’t go away; it just shifted my focus from it to something positive. I suppose that was my way of minimizing barriers and maximizing beauty and my best life – even back then.

In case that sounds a bit fanciful, according to research from the University of Kansas, smiling (even if it’s caused by colorful style) not only helps you “grin and bear it” psychologically,  it can help your heart health too. I loved discovering this piece of scientific information because it confirms the link between style and smiling, as in the “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile” lyrics from Annie! And it means, even if style is not your thing, as long as you’re wearing a smile, you can still deal with any D that gets thrown at you.

As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose self-proclaimed clothes horse, I’ve always viewed them as a means of self-expression. But knowing dressing in a way that makes me smile can also help me deal with my Ds psychologically, perhaps they’re also a means of self-preservation…Thankfully, though I was able to remain calm, cool and collected in coral despite dealing with the Ds today, ultimately, I’m most equipped to deal with them because I’m wearing the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18), provided by my heavenly Father who delivers us from the all.

How can you be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic about the Ds you’re facing in your personal or professional life? How does your personal sense of  style help you to deal with them? What can you do that makes you smile more?

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

 

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Loving Yourself Enough to Set Limits

Loving Yourself Enough to Set Limits

It’s Day 233 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and I’ve been reminded how important it is to love yourself enough to set limits. I’ve had at least three interactions around this concept this week and have to believe God is trying to remind me of something I’m prone to forget. Growing up in an extremely dysfunctional home, I didn’t know boundaries existed. When I learned that they did, and that I actually had a right to have them, I was in my mid-thirties. By then, I’d gravitated to more than one boundary buster because as bad as their behavior was, our co-dependent dances were familiar. Years of busted boundaries and broken relationships later, I’ve finally learned to love myself enough to set limits. Perhaps you need a reminder to love yourself enough to set them too.

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THIS COULD BE A TSHIRT: LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO SET LIMITS!

The three areas where I’ve been reminded of setting limits this week are the following:

With Children (Toddlers to teens and everything in between). Call me old fashioned but in our society where we all want to be BFFs and buds with our children, I believe clear boundaries about parental authority and respect still need to be in place. And just in case that sounds antiquated, with a degree in education and nearly two decades of experience working with children, they actually want the adults to set limits, otherwise their world has no safety parameters and can become frightening, unpredictable and unstable.

With Significant Others and Spouses (Past, present, and future). If exes and wasbands (was + husband) cross the line, re-establishing it promptly prevents them from reverting to old behaviors. Each situation differs, but usually, you’re not with them for a reason. If you haven’t made the leap, what he’s doing to woo you, should continue to keep you. If he’s put a ring on it, adhering to the Biblical admonition to submit to our husbands and for them to love us to the point of laying down their lives makes for a heavenly union.

With Relationships (Family, friends, personal and professional). Because we’re only human, all of us are irregular to some extent or other. Character foibles and idiosyncrasies are one thing and should be handled with grace when possible. Abusive, boundary busting, emotional vampires, and toxic people on the other hand require limit setting. For your own well-being, creating distance, limiting time spent, or walking away altogether, are difficult but caring steps. It prevents you enabling and may cause the individual to take a look at the behaviors that pushed you away. Depending on the type of relationship, assistance or support may be needed to establish appropriate limits.

As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose life coach, I don’t coach on anything I haven’t experienced, so I’ve set limits in all of these areas. Most often, creating healthy boundaries, guarding my psychological safety and protecting my time, are means of preserving relationships – a worthy end. And when I have to walk away from someone – for a while or forever – it’s with the assurance that I’ve done all that I could to love them. That relationship may have ended, but I continue to love myself enough to set limits.

How can you be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose about loving yourself enough to set limits? On the home-front? In the workplace? Have you ever had to walk away from someone in order to love or be true to yourself?

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar  Coach