It’s Day 412 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and life has heated up to the degree that I needed some time girl time keeping cool by the pool in cute coverups. The good news is, the life coaching side of things has been fairly consistent –– especially considering summer vacations, travel, etc. And the life clients I’m working with are truly minimizing their barriers around and maximizing their beauty (image coaching) and best lives (personal and professional). The bad news is, Consistency with my writing? –– not so much. I’m going days without posting, blogging or working on the sequel to my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul. Even so, due to some Ds –– personal challenges that negatively impact our professional lives –– I’m facing right now, I’m in a perpetual research mode and am gathering great material for Hold on Her Heart! Given everything going on, when one of my closets Swan Soul Sisters, Kibby, suggested a weekday lounging poolside, I was quick to put work aside and go all in keeping cool by the pool in cute coverups!
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Swan, time with other females is essential to my emotional and spiritual well-being. Being able to share what’s going on in our lives –– the good, the bad and the ugly –– makes all the difference in the world. Whether we’re reminiscing about the past, pondering the present, or praying about our futures, my soul and spirit are revived by time spent with other Swans who share my faith and my fears. Kibby does all of this in spades. In addition to all we have in common, her generosity ––– way beyond monetary –– knows few bounds and she blesses me more than I can say! Never mind the fact that we never actually swam…As long as the Earth spins around the sun, our lives will heat up with Ds. I just chose to minimize them by spending at least a few of mine maximizing beauty and my best life keeping cool by the pool in cute coverups!
Day 76 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project was another that whizzed by without me capturing it in a blog post. But as I shared in Post 74, I’m alright with that. Being on vacation has provided a break from my normal professional and personal routine, and it’s given me permission to show myself some grace. Even so, I was still intentional about gathering blogging content in the form of experiences and photos. Blogging consistently has added so much richness and texture to my life in that way and I continue to be grateful that it’s caused me to live more purposefully.
When I renewed my commitment to the writing life and blogging regularly, in my research, I found that bloggers who are genuine and transparent are those who resonate most with readers. It’s scary to put myself out there like this, but since I coach women to own their own sense of personal style, I want to be honest about my own struggles. I’ve always been petite. I’ve been 5’1, size 2-4, between 100-120 lbs. my entire life. In my teens and 20s I was practically a stick. In my 30s I became curvy with the birth of my now tween and teenage children. Then, three years ago, in my mid 40s, a medically necessary hysterectomy and synthetic hormones threw me into extra curvy all over. It’s been such a hard adjustment. It’s as if I went in for one surgery and came out with augmentation – everywhere.
While many women have told me they’d love to have my body, I’ve found it hard to dress it. And I don’t like the extra attention I get from men or women who make comments about what what one friend called my “Jessica Rabbit figure”. Strange as it may seem, I don’t want to be referred to as sexy. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I think that’s what all women want. Regardless if we think we’re too thin, too heavy, too short, too tall, too straight, too curvy, most of us want to be able to love and dress our bodies in a way we feel good about. And for me, I also want to be and feel as healthy as I can.
I thought dancing – hard – four to five times a week would cause me to feel better about my new body. For the most part I do, but any of the additional fatty tissue I had in what I call the 3 Bs (boobs, belly and butt) has turned to solid muscle and rather than appearing leaner make me look like a thoroughbred horse. (By the way – the first picture of me on the horseback yesterday is what got me on this train of thought. I had on my bathing suit under the shirt and was shocked at the difference that made!). Now, I’ve come to the realization that unless I can defy aging, this new body is here to stay. So I might as well embrace it.
This vacation has involved a lot of water sports, so I’ve made good use of the cover ups I invested in knowing while I worked on addressing my hang ups regarding my curves, I’d need to dress myself in a way that allows me to participate in the water activities I love while allowing me to be as modest as I can for a petite full-figured girl. Never thought I’d be described that way but pictures don’t lie. What a revelation…
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Chick who is learning the beauty of both/and I’m trying to embrace the fact that it’s no longer “I”m petite.” or even “I’m petite and gained weight with my hysterectomy, so now I have to loose it.” It’s “I’m petite and extra curvy, so now I have to dress the body I have so I feel comfortable in my own skin and confident.”
I guess vacation really is letting me show myself grace. I hope my wearing my hyster sister heart on my sleeve encourages you to show yourself some too. Hysterectomy or not….