The Trouble with Triangulation x Three

The Trouble with Triangulation x Three

It’s Day 11 of being back to blogging and its recurring theme could have been “The Trouble with Triangulation x Three “. First, listening to my favorite Christian radio morning show hosts, Brandt and Sherry, on the commute in, Brandt asked her if she’d ever noticed two people arguing on social media and considered jumping in and telling them to stop having a go at each other. He went on to say that would break up the argument because they would both turn on her! Sherry laughed her infectious laugh and answered that she hadn’t intervened that way, however, she  shared how she’d private messaged them and suggested they deal with the situation 1:1 vs. publicly. The segment ended humorously, but the message about the trouble with triangulation is a serious one.

three women

Once at work, I encountered my second instance of triangulation when I spoke with someone who needed transportation. It was an unusually hectic day and while I didn’t mind taking the time to make the arrangements, it wasn’t time I had to spare. We agreed that they’d contact me when they were ready to be picked up. When I didn’t hear back from her, I learned that a third party had secured a ride for her! Neither she nor the woman I’d been trying to help thought to inform me that she no longer needed my assistance. This triangulation resulted in a waste of time and a breakdown in communication.

Finally, this evening I witnessed my fifteen-year-old daughter, Liv, get caught up in a triangulation web. One of her high school friends moved to another city but is still dating her boyfriend who’s in classes with my daughter. Apparently not only did  the guy cheat on her several times while she was here, now he manages to prevent her from even talking to any boys at her new school while he flirts with whoever he likes in front of my daughter. In her attempt to be a good friend, my daughter put her in the know. Now she’s caught in the middle of their long distance dating disaster. I cautioned her to try to stay out of it because if and when her bestie takes him back, she won’t want to hear a  word about his poor behavior, which will put a strain on their friendship. Triangulation collateral damage.

Knowing how God works in my life, the fact that God let me be a part of three different scenarios regarding triangulation means He’s trying to teach me something. Disputes, discussions, dating and so many other things are best handled 1:1. I’m going to try to put this principle into practice in my personal and professional life…And I hope you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic, do the same, and avoid the trouble with triangulation, too.

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

Advertisements
The Reality of Rosy Expectations

The Reality of Rosy Expectations

It’s Day 11 of being back to blogging, and a driving experience reminded me of the sometimes harsh reality of rosy expectations. Driving home from work, though I was in a bit of a rush to get home so I could change into Zumba attire for tonight’s class and try to get on top of preparation for tomorrow, I noticed a woman in a jeep waiting to turn out of a parking lot. Given the steady stream of traffic, I knew it may be a long time before she’d be able to make a right. Rather than speeding up and blocking her, I tapped the brakes and motioned for her to pull in front of me. The woman looked right at me and took advantage of the opportunity I provided without so much as a wave, let alone a horn honk. Not only that, she actually wore a bit of a frown. Translated audibly, it may have  been a grunt… I admit her response gave me a dose of reality regarding my rosy expectations.

What Can You Expect from a Pig.jpg
Rosy Expectations.

For a moment, I thought, Wow. You’re welcome. Then I realized the truth of the situation: I’d projected how I would have responded onto this woman and expected her to act likewise. Which wasn’t fair…Thankfully I got over myself very quickly, shook my head and just laughed. Now I think it’s humorous that in looking for an image to reflect my blog topic, I found this pretty pink piggy with a flower in her mouth! In no way am I calling the woman a pig; the saying just seemed to fit the scenario. That said, perhaps the woman is one of those entitled people who just take someone giving them a chance to turn when she could have been stuck there quite a while for granted…

Either way, the takeaway for us Pink Collar Savvy & Chic Swans on the home front or in the workplace is what I tell the residents in the women’s shelter where I’m the director. There’s no need to be concerned with the other driver, what she did or didn’t do or the reasons behind her behavior. All that’s necessary is doing and focusing on what we should or shouldn’t do and what motivates us to make those choices. When we do that, it’s easy to feel good about doing the right, considerate thing and putting someone else’s needs before our own to bless them. Whether that’s acknowledged or even recognized. The ultimate motivation? The One who never disappoints. He exceeds the highest standard each and every time and provides the only true reality regarding rosy expectations.

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

Winter Weather Writing Weekend

Winter Weather Writing Weekend

It’s Day 10 of being back to blogging and thanks to 13″ of snow here in Cincy, I’ve enjoyed a winter weather writing weekend! Since starting my position as a Women’s Center Director back in October, I hadn’t written a word of Hold on Her Heart, the sequel to my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul. Yesterday and today, however, due to being snowed in, I not only made wonderful progress, I did it on my first book’s one year anniversary! Being a God-thing girl, the significance of that isn’t lost on me. I’m humbled and amazed that He continues to bless me with the will and the way to live my purpose of coaching, encouraging and inspiring women. This time in the form of a winter weather writing weekend!

Snowy Town.jpg

Balancing personal and professional responsibilities can feel daunting, but when they’re aligned, rather than conflicting, they can complement each other. In my situation, my first novel is drawn from personal experiences with domestic violence that led me to become involved in supporting other women to overcome it and other challenges. I call them Ds –– as in DV, divorce, dysfunction, depression, death, diagnosis, etc. (So much of life’s icky stuff starts with a D!) Twelve years after breaking out of the cycle of abuse with my wasband (he was my husband) and being homeless, my vocation is as the leader of a homeless shelter.  And my avocation allows me to run a life coaching agency, blog and write books. It’s all interconnected and part of the perfect plan God has for my life. Total God-thing!

Whether you are an aspiring author or a full-time homemaker who wants to be more intentional about the time you spend with your family, my prayer is that you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic and maximize the opportunities God provides for you to do what feeds your soul and blesses others. On your lunch break. While the kids nap. In the still of the night. During the wee morning hours.  When He provides a winter weather writing weekend.

Hope you’ll check out my book on it’s anniversary!

To preview/purchase the print or Kindle version of my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul, please visit Amazon.com at 
 

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach 

 

 

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – January 13, 2019

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – January 13, 2019

If you’re a fan of Pink Collar Savvy & Chic Victoria, Season 3 starts tonight on PBS!

Whether you’re happily awaiting the return or curious about checking it out,

Here’s a preview:

https://player.pbs.org/viralplayer/3019263727/

Happy viewing!

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink  Collar Coach

 

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – January 12, 2019

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – January 12, 2019

pink wings

Wishing on Wings

So blessed to be his daughter,

So proud to bear his name.

So thankful for his friendship

And love that never changed.

Been missing him for 18 years,

Longing for an eternity more.

Praying I’ll see my hero’s face

As I walk through heaven’s door.

Days spent wishing –– for that very thing,

Not a single one of them has passed

Without his wind beneath my wings.

I’ll love you forever Daddy,

~Pink Collar Coach 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep Calm and Practice Self-Care

Keep Calm and Practice Self-Care

It’s Day 8/9 of being back to blogging and in yesterday morning’s work prayer meeting a wise organizational leader reminded us to keep calm and practice self-care. In social service/ministry, we often deal with trauma. And trauma is vicarious. It can transfer from those we serve onto us. If we’re not careful, it can infect us and make us physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually sick too. Keeping calm and practicing self-care is the key to preventing this in our work/ministry lives.

Keep Calm and Practice Self-Care.jpg
Keeping Calm and Practicing Self-Care is Key! 

What I’ve found, however, is that those of us who are nurturers often find it a challenge to provide ourselves with the same level of care we generously lavish on others. This was evident in the meeting when those of us who were dealing with the death (a huge D or challenge!) of a young woman and mother kept voicing concern over how it impacted everyone else. But when the group circled up around the two of us who worked closely with her and knew her best –– both of us women –– the depth of our pent-up pain manifested itself in tears that once released refused to be staunched despite the box of tissue we wept through. So why were we selfish with ourselves about our need to grieve and weep? It’s only natural that the loss of someone we tried so hard to save is devastating. In fact, when Lazarus died before Jesus could arrive to save him, the Bible tells us, “Jesus wept.” – John 11:35 (NIV).

Becoming completely vested in someone else involves experiencing their triumphs and their tragedies. In that sense, exposure to trauma is an occupational hazard. But its vicarious effects can be mitigated by acknowledging the myriad emotions we experience through being a part of another human’s life when the outcome is not what we  hoped it would be. Sometimes the work still results in a world of hurt. And when we’re hurting, it’s not only ok to give ourselves some TLC, it’s necessary because we can’t help others heal if we won’t do it for ourselves.

So if you’re anything like me and are at work on purpose to serve others –– on the home front or in the workplace –– and sometimes feel your world is spinning out of control,  I hope you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic, keep calm and practice self-care.

Be savvy & chic,

Pink Collar Coach

 

Sister Let Me Be Your Shelter

Sister Let Me Be Your Shelter

It’s Day 7 of being back to blogging, and I wish every sister in need would let me be her shelter. Yes, I’m the director of a women’s center –– a homeless shelter for women and children –– and am blessed to be able to provide a safe physical place to stay. But I’m talking about something that goes beyond a building. I’m talking about being a safe emotional, relational and spiritual place of safety for women whose needs run so much deeper than needing a roof over their heads. I’ve poured out my heart to these hurting women all of my life –– in personal and professional settings –– prayerfully  believing they would see Christ in me and be drawn to Him. And I’m so thankful to say the times this has happened I’ve felt blessed and humbled beyond measure to that the Creator of the Universe would use little insignificant me. Today, though, I learned of the loss of a sister…Ugh! I don’t even have words to express my sorrow. Because I literally pleaded with her, begged –– in vain –– for this sister to let me be her shelter.

pink house.jpg

As a believer, I’m going to hold on to the hope that this sweet, beautiful young woman may have recalled the truths I spoke over her life –– that Jesus loves her –– and that my prayers for her to accept the gift of new life He offers were answered. I have to choose to believe she is safe in His arms tonight. I also don’t want to lose another sister to the Ds (challenges women face i.e. drinking, drugs, depression, dysfunction, domestic violence, etc.) and have to let you know that if you are ever in need of a safe haven –– emotionally, relationally or spiritually –– I’m here. So be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic and reach out sister. Let me be your shelter.

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

B