It’s Day 15 of being back to blogging and I’m sad to share a woman’s story of how she committed self-sabotage. Many of us who are in the social service field/ministry or any helping profession feel called to do the work because we long to make a difference in the lives of others. For me, doing so with women allows me to fulfill my purpose. I feel so blessed that I’m now in a position as a Women’s Center Director where I’m able to assist the ladies who reside in our shelter to achieve transformational change and sustainable success. Homelessness is often the main barrier that brings them to us, but usually they have ended up that way due to multiple barriers. Finding housing for the residents and their children that is often a challenge. So when a single woman with a child and a myriad of physical, emotional, financial, and relational issues turns down an apartment because she’d prefer to wait for something more to her liking, she’s committed self-sabotage.
Another instance of this is when a woman is offered an affordable studio option –– newly renovated and furnished –– with rent based on her limited income and physical barriers to employment, but she would rather go back to coach surfing while she tries to get a job that pays enough for the exorbitant rent on an upscale apartment with amenities. Even when told she can sign a short term lease on the studio while she addresses her health issues and searches for a job, she’s adamant that it’s just not for her. She’s committed self-sabotage.
After doing all I can apart from literally begging these women to reconsider, I’m relegated to sitting on the sidelines as the scenarios play out. In the first instance, I’ve already seen that it’s not a pretty picture. In the other, I fear the outcome will be similar. Then I’m left to ask, Why? But I realize I may already know the answer, She fears success. And while I’m not a therapist, I do have one on our team, and she confirmed my suspicion. They fear success.
Pondering this phenomena, it occurred to me that it’s not only the population of women we serve who struggle with the Ds or challenges women face (i.e. depression, diagnosis, domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, dysfunctional relationships, etc.) who are subject. Any woman, for any number of reasons, can fear rising to her full potential and may self-sabotage. ..
Rather than letting this discourage me, it’s motivated me to share a self-sabotage prevention strategy. I hope you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic and come back tomorrow to read.
It’s Day 10 of being back to blogging and thanks to 13″ of snow here in Cincy, I’ve enjoyed a winter weather writing weekend! Since starting my position as a Women’s Center Director back in October, I hadn’t written a word of Hold on Her Heart, the sequel to my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul. Yesterday and today, however, due to being snowed in, I not only made wonderful progress, I did it on my first book’s one year anniversary! Being a God-thing girl, the significance of that isn’t lost on me. I’m humbled and amazed that He continues to bless me with the will and the way to live my purpose of coaching, encouraging and inspiring women. This time in the form of a winter weather writing weekend!
Balancing personal and professional responsibilities can feel daunting, but when they’re aligned, rather than conflicting, they can complement each other. In my situation, my first novel is drawn from personal experiences with domestic violence that led me to become involved in supporting other women to overcome it and other challenges. I call them Ds –– as in DV, divorce, dysfunction, depression, death, diagnosis, etc. (So much of life’s icky stuff starts with a D!) Twelve years after breaking out of the cycle of abuse with my wasband (he was my husband) and being homeless, my vocation is as the leader of a homeless shelter. And my avocation allows me to run a life coaching agency, blog and write books. It’s all interconnected and part of the perfect plan God has for my life. Total God-thing!
Whether you are an aspiring author or a full-time homemaker who wants to be more intentional about the time you spend with your family, my prayer is that you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic and maximize the opportunities God provides for you to do what feeds your soul and blesses others. On your lunch break. While the kids nap. In the still of the night. During the wee morning hours. When He provides a winter weather writing weekend.
Hope you’ll check out my book on it’s anniversary!
To preview/purchase the print or Kindle version of my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul, please visit Amazon.com at
It’s Day 8/9 of being back to blogging and in yesterday morning’s work prayer meeting a wise organizational leader reminded us to keep calm and practice self-care. In social service/ministry, we often deal with trauma. And trauma is vicarious. It can transfer from those we serve onto us. If we’re not careful, it can infect us and make us physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually sick too. Keeping calm and practicing self-care is the key to preventing this in our work/ministry lives.
What I’ve found, however, is that those of us who are nurturers often find it a challenge to provide ourselves with the same level of care we generously lavish on others. This was evident in the meeting when those of us who were dealing with the death (a huge D or challenge!) of a young woman and mother kept voicing concern over how it impacted everyone else. But when the group circled up around the two of us who worked closely with her and knew her best –– both of us women –– the depth of our pent-up pain manifested itself in tears that once released refused to be staunched despite the box of tissue we wept through. So why were we selfish with ourselves about our need to grieve and weep? It’s only natural that the loss of someone we tried so hard to save is devastating. In fact, when Lazarus died before Jesus could arrive to save him, the Bible tells us, “Jesus wept.” – John 11:35 (NIV).
Becoming completely vested in someone else involves experiencing their triumphs and their tragedies. In that sense, exposure to trauma is an occupational hazard. But its vicarious effects can be mitigated by acknowledging the myriad emotions we experience through being a part of another human’s life when the outcome is not what we hoped it would be. Sometimes the work still results in a world of hurt. And when we’re hurting, it’s not only ok to give ourselves some TLC, it’s necessary because we can’t help others heal if we won’t do it for ourselves.
So if you’re anything like me and are at work on purpose to serve others –– on the home front or in the workplace –– and sometimes feel your world is spinning out of control, I hope you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic, keep calm and practice self-care.
It’s Day 4 of being back to blogging and my recent appointment to Women’s Center Director position was a cause for celebration. With a little over two months under my belt in the role, I’m just getting a chance to share how the two women who were instrumental in me landing it blessed me when. In 2017, I left my former job as a director at an agency where I oversaw the care continuum and led the team of life coaches. It was there that I met two Savvy & Chic Swans who I trained to become lead coaches. Leaving them behind when I moved on and began operating my own comprehensive coaching agency, Pink Collar Savvy & Chic, and publishing my debut novel, Seasons of Her Soul, I grieved no longer working with them. Little did I know God would use my transition to evolve our professional connection into a personal one. As they supported me in exploring my options, our relationship blossomed. New gig or not, that’s a reason for me to celebrate.
Now both women are dear friends and Soul Sisters. Few in my circle were as thrilled as them for me to be offered an opportunity that is an even better fit for me to live out my purpose of maximizing my strengths to coach, encourage and inspire other women to minimize their barriers and to maximize their best lives –– all to His glory! They took me out to lunch, showered me with cards, gifts, and so much love! This and being the Women’s Center Director at a homeless shelter that provides a holistic, faith based program are truly causes for celebration!
Having such accomplished, beautiful, godly women in my life makes each time I’m with them a celebration. Having them share life’s good times –– and the bad ones –– well, that’s not only a reason to celebrate, it’s a reason to rejoice. I hope you are Pink Collar Savvy & Chic and rejoice in the special Swans and Soul Sisters God gives you on the home-pfront and in the workplace –– for all the reasons and seasons.
It’s Day 280 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project, and as much as I enjoyed our spontaneous vacay in Put-In-Bay, because I’m loving being a life coach, I was happy to get back to work today. Lovely as the island proved to be, a tower was down leaving my hubby and me with little to no cell phone or internet reception. In some ways unplugging is just what we needed, however, not being able to respond to coaching clients who needed support or simply to schedule –– not so much. One client is facing some family challenges and it frustrated me not to be responsive to her texts in a timely manner. Furthermore, I’d done a complimentary life coaching session with a previous image coaching client about a month ago and she finally got in touch to schedule, as did another client who I’ve worked with on interior coaching (I have an Interior Design degree, worked for a firm and still freelance). She’s celebrating the one year anniversary of her book being published and is ready to polish her professional packaging as well. Not getting back to these Swans for days is so not like me. Of course there are times when I’m not available –– due to other commitments, scheduling conflicts, time off, vacations, and well, life, but I try to keep that to a minimum. You see, I really am loving being a life coach.
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose entrepreneur who started operating my business full time about a year ago, I’m not gonna lie. Somedays, the hustle can be exhausting. Research shows it takes about 7 touches for someone to commit. Good thing I enjoy interacting with women and touching their lives apart from wanting to sell them my goods or services. My purpose in life is to use my God given strengths to coach, encourage and inspire women to minimize their barriers and to maximize their beauty and best professional lives – through total transformation. All to His glory. That’s why I went back to school and got another degree –– a Masters in Leadership and Coaching! Using the powerful questioning tools in my belt, I build trusting relationships with women during conversations. Inevitably the opportunity to share my story arises –– how I was faced with so many Ds or personal challenges that negatively impact our professional lives –– that I hit rock bottom but maximized it as the firm foundation upon which I built not the rest of my life but the best of my life. When I’m transparent, it frees them up to share as well. So many women are facing Ds and need support through coaching. At times it feels a bit overwhelming, but most of the time it feels as if I’m doing exactly what God put me on the face of this Earth to do. No wonder I’m loving being a life coach.
If you are a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Swan facing the Ds, I’d love to chat about how you can minimize them to maximize your best life. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Busy morning filled with life coaching and more this afternoon. Rather than exhausting me, I’m energized. When you find your purpose – the reason God put you here – you never have to work a day in your life! What’s yours?