It’s Day 299 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and I’m finding that it’s sometimes easier to preach/coach on positive sentiment override than it is to practice it. I was first introduced to this principle when another couple gave my hubby and me the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PhD, when we embarked on our marriage to each other after very difficult divorces from our ex-spouses. In describing positive sentiment override at work in a marriage Gottman states “This means their positive thoughts about each other and their marriage are so pervasive that they tend to supersede negative feelings. It takes a much more significant conflict for them to lose their equilibrium as a couple than it would otherwise. Their positivity causes them to fell optimistic about each other and their marriage, to assume positive things about their lives together, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt.” (pg.20-21). Heading toward our 12th anniversary as a couple, we’ve both done a fairly good job at adhering to this excellent advice, but to be completely honest, sometimes we fall short. Especially considering we both brought a lot of baggage from those previous relationships into the marriage. Coaching others is easy; putting it into practice myself – not so much.
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose blogger, I feel like Julie (played by Rachel Adams) in Julie and Julia, the 2009 film about Julie, an aspiring author who starts a blog about cooking her way through every recipe in Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child (played by Meryl Streep). Julie and her husband have a massive fight and his last words as he leaves their apartment for the night are, “Do NOT blog about this!” She starts to but doesn’t…That movie inspired me to blog and NOT to when I shouldn’t. So I won’t share what has my hubby and I at odds other than it’s a D – or a challenge we Pink Collar Swans face – a disagreement…I will say that he has so many wonderful qualities and that God really did bless the broken road that led us to one another. That being the case, I’ll just request prayers as I try to practice the positive sentiment override that I preach – I mean coach – on with my coaching clients.
How are you Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose about using positive sentiment override in your marriage or relationship? How can this principle be applied to other relationships on the home-front or in the workplace?
Be savvy & chic,
~Pink Collar Coach