It’s Day 233 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and I’ve been reminded how important it is to love yourself enough to set limits. I’ve had at least three interactions around this concept this week and have to believe God is trying to remind me of something I’m prone to forget. Growing up in an extremely dysfunctional home, I didn’t know boundaries existed. When I learned that they did, and that I actually had a right to have them, I was in my mid-thirties. By then, I’d gravitated to more than one boundary buster because as bad as their behavior was, our co-dependent dances were familiar. Years of busted boundaries and broken relationships later, I’ve finally learned to love myself enough to set limits. Perhaps you need a reminder to love yourself enough to set them too.
The three areas where I’ve been reminded of setting limits this week are the following:
With Children (Toddlers to teens and everything in between). Call me old fashioned but in our society where we all want to be BFFs and buds with our children, I believe clear boundaries about parental authority and respect still need to be in place. And just in case that sounds antiquated, with a degree in education and nearly two decades of experience working with children, they actually want the adults to set limits, otherwise their world has no safety parameters and can become frightening, unpredictable and unstable.
With Significant Others and Spouses (Past, present, and future). If exes and wasbands (was + husband) cross the line, re-establishing it promptly prevents them from reverting to old behaviors. Each situation differs, but usually, you’re not with them for a reason. If you haven’t made the leap, what he’s doing to woo you, should continue to keep you. If he’s put a ring on it, adhering to the Biblical admonition to submit to our husbands and for them to love us to the point of laying down their lives makes for a heavenly union.
With Relationships (Family, friends, personal and professional). Because we’re only human, all of us are irregular to some extent or other. Character foibles and idiosyncrasies are one thing and should be handled with grace when possible. Abusive, boundary busting, emotional vampires, and toxic people on the other hand require limit setting. For your own well-being, creating distance, limiting time spent, or walking away altogether, are difficult but caring steps. It prevents you enabling and may cause the individual to take a look at the behaviors that pushed you away. Depending on the type of relationship, assistance or support may be needed to establish appropriate limits.
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose life coach, I don’t coach on anything I haven’t experienced, so I’ve set limits in all of these areas. Most often, creating healthy boundaries, guarding my psychological safety and protecting my time, are means of preserving relationships – a worthy end. And when I have to walk away from someone – for a while or forever – it’s with the assurance that I’ve done all that I could to love them. That relationship may have ended, but I continue to love myself enough to set limits.
How can you be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose about loving yourself enough to set limits? On the home-front? In the workplace? Have you ever had to walk away from someone in order to love or be true to yourself?
Be savvy & chic,
~Pink Collar Coach