Day 76 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project was another that whizzed by without me capturing it in a blog post. But as I shared in Post 74, I’m alright with that. Being on vacation has provided a break from my normal professional and personal routine, and it’s given me permission to show myself some grace. Even so, I was still intentional about gathering blogging content in the form of experiences and photos. Blogging consistently has added so much richness and texture to my life in that way and I continue to be grateful that it’s caused me to live more purposefully.
When I renewed my commitment to the writing life and blogging regularly, in my research, I found that bloggers who are genuine and transparent are those who resonate most with readers. It’s scary to put myself out there like this, but since I coach women to own their own sense of personal style, I want to be honest about my own struggles. I’ve always been petite. I’ve been 5’1, size 2-4, between 100-120 lbs. my entire life. In my teens and 20s I was practically a stick. In my 30s I became curvy with the birth of my now tween and teenage children. Then, three years ago, in my mid 40s, a medically necessary hysterectomy and synthetic hormones threw me into extra curvy all over. It’s been such a hard adjustment. It’s as if I went in for one surgery and came out with augmentation – everywhere.
While many women have told me they’d love to have my body, I’ve found it hard to dress it. And I don’t like the extra attention I get from men or women who make comments about what what one friend called my “Jessica Rabbit figure”. Strange as it may seem, I don’t want to be referred to as sexy. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I think that’s what all women want. Regardless if we think we’re too thin, too heavy, too short, too tall, too straight, too curvy, most of us want to be able to love and dress our bodies in a way we feel good about. And for me, I also want to be and feel as healthy as I can.
I thought dancing – hard – four to five times a week would cause me to feel better about my new body. For the most part I do, but any of the additional fatty tissue I had in what I call the 3 Bs (boobs, belly and butt) has turned to solid muscle and rather than appearing leaner make me look like a thoroughbred horse. (By the way – the first picture of me on the horseback yesterday is what got me on this train of thought. I had on my bathing suit under the shirt and was shocked at the difference that made!). Now, I’ve come to the realization that unless I can defy aging, this new body is here to stay. So I might as well embrace it.
This vacation has involved a lot of water sports, so I’ve made good use of the cover ups I invested in knowing while I worked on addressing my hang ups regarding my curves, I’d need to dress myself in a way that allows me to participate in the water activities I love while allowing me to be as modest as I can for a petite full-figured girl. Never thought I’d be described that way but pictures don’t lie. What a revelation…
As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Chick who is learning the beauty of both/and I’m trying to embrace the fact that it’s no longer “I”m petite.” or even “I’m petite and gained weight with my hysterectomy, so now I have to loose it.” It’s “I’m petite and extra curvy, so now I have to dress the body I have so I feel comfortable in my own skin and confident.”
I guess vacation really is letting me show myself grace. I hope my wearing my hyster sister heart on my sleeve encourages you to show yourself some too. Hysterectomy or not….
~Pink Collar Coach