A Lesson on Psychological Projection

A Lesson on Psychological Projection

It’s Day 391 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and spending the day at the pool yesterday along with this morning’s sermon reminded me of an important lesson on psychological projection. According to Wikipedia, psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which human defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. It incorporates blame shifting. The definition goes on to say this is a common process in everyday life. And I can sure attest to that. For years I’ve had a particular individual project the fact that they are overweight onto me. Granted, I’m not as petite as I was when I meant this person over a decade ago, but I’m an almost fifty-year-old woman who has had multiple pregnancies and deliveries as well as numerous female related surgeries, including a total hysterectomy. All of these factors have combined to make me about thirty pounds heavier. Thankfully, due to relatively healthy eating habits, giving up gummi bears several months ago, and dancing six times a week, I’ve managed to keep more weight from amassing. Though I’d love to for the scale to go down,  I’m happy to maintain my current weight and not have it go up! Even with all of this in play, I don’t consider myself to be overweight to the degree that it warrants snarky, hurtful comments. Especially from one who is seriously overweight! This painful situation has been ongoing, but today’s sermon reminded me of a lesson on psychological projection.

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Me, Pink Collar Coach, in a two-piece abstract floral swim suit. Calvin Klein from TJ Maxx.          Still learning to accept my new body…

The pastor reminded us that when others put us down, it’s usually due to their own low self esteem. I imagine this is the case with this individual who contrary to the psychological projection theory actually acknowledges the fact that they are overweight.  In fact, they lament, I’m fat, on a regular basis. Lament is the right word –– they bellyache about the size of their belly and other body parts nonstop but don’t take steps to rectify the situation. This adds insult to injury for me considering how hard I work –– not at trying to be skinny again but at being healthy. Having others make lame excuses for the behavior –– like they’re only joking –– doesn’t help. Last I heard, a joke is only funny if everyone is laughing –– and I’m not. The tears that poured down my face this morning as the preacher discussed this made me realize how long I’ve kept this hurt bottled up.

As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Swan who knows she’s imperfect, I also know that I will about bite my tongue out rather than make a hurtful comment about someone’s appearance or anything else. And I’ve never done it with this person. Ironically, they are quick to “defend” the people they love and would try to annihilate me if I were to speak a word about any of them –– even in response to their constant verbal abuse. So I’ve taken some steps to set boundaries in the hopes that reconciliation can occur. If it can’t, it’ll just have to be. I’ll pray for them but keep my distance. After all, I wouldn’t miss having someone in my life who apparently hasn’t learned a lesson on psychological projection but is a master of it.

Have you ever been the target of psychological projection? How can you be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose about dealing with it?

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

 

 

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Healing Is Not Linear; It Is Lifelong

Healing Is Not Linear; It Is Lifelong

It’s Day 389 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and I was reminded though healing is not linear, it is lifelong. I’ve faced so many Ds –– personal challenges –– in my lifetime and gotten a lot of help healing from the hurt. At times this has come through individual and group counseling –– Christian and otherwise, reading self-help books like the Boundaries  series, support groups, and through lots of reflection and prayer. And I’ve come such a long way from where I was a decade ago. Still, though I understand the healing journey is not smoothly paved and linear but full of treacherous triggers, ups and downs. Having survived the ride up to this point, I’d hoped it was about over. Instead, this week of my 49th birthday, I’ve realized healing is a lifelong process.

As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose survivor of so much hurt, it would be easy to give up on the dream of a pain free life. But as a Child of God, I believe His Word regarding what His Son did for us on the cross: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes, we are healed.” – Isaiah 53:5. Embracing this truth, I can continue my healing journey, content in the knowledge that though it’s not linear but lifelong, through Him, I’m already healed.

If you’re facing hurts –– physical, emotional, relationship, financial, spiritual ––and need healing, I hope you’ll be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose and embrace this truth for yourself.

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 13, 2018

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 13, 2018

 

Soaking Up the Sun and Strength

Soaking Up the Sun and Strength

It’s Day 388 of the Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Project and I’m so glad I had an extended birthday Monday soaking up the sun and strength because I got hit with some major Ds –– or personal challenges –– that evening. When my Swan Soul Sister, Kibby, asked if I’d like to go to the pool the day after my birthday, I got up early and worked so I’d be able to relax with her poolside. She blessed me with some beautiful gifts that are so Pink Collar Savvy & Chic, including a  holder for my new business cards (I’d been searching for one), desk accessories, bookmarks, earrings and nail polish. All in shades of blush pink. That and the time spent with her eating lunch, tanning, swimming and going to Zumba together made it such a lovely day. After Zumba, however, some Ds that had been swirling under the surface erupted into a maelstrom that threatened to pull me under. Rather than go there, I opted to create some boundaries and distance myself from the situation (hence no posts for three days). Looking back, I realize God gave me that day to bask in His love for me through my sister in Christ. Soaking up the sun and strength prepared me for what was to come.

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Me, Pink Collar Coach, soaking up the sun and His strength by the pool. Sun hat, bathing suit, flip flops and towel all Calvin Klein from TJ Maxx accumulated over many summers.

As a Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose Life Coach who coaches women to minimize their barriers and to maximize beauty and their best lives, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised I’m facing so many challenges. I pride myself on not coaching on anything I haven’t experienced, so in a sense, what I’m going through now is on the job experience! LOL! Seriously though, all of my life, whenever I’ve tried to be true to myself –– on the home-front and in the workplace –– there has been opposition from those who want to condemn or label me as something I’m not. There was a time when I thought I had to own their nonsense, but those days are over. I know who I am. More importantly, I know whose I am. That being the case, I’m so thankful my Heavenly Father not only let me soak up some sun in the form of Vitamin D, He let me soak up strength through His Son to deal with my Ds!

Facing Ds today? Be Pink Collar Savvy & Chic on Purpose and get out in the sunshine. And if you’re in need of some strength, you can soak that up through the Son. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” – Phillipians 4:13.

Be savvy & chic,

~Pink Collar Coach

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 12, 2018

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 12, 2018

I haven’t posted for the last few days because I’m facing some major Ds, however, below is so true and my challenges and helping me to be true to who God created me to be. Whatever you’re going through, may this be true for you, too.

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 9, 2018

Pink Collar Coach’s Positivity Post – July 9, 2018

Putting good work-life balance to practice today: Got up at dawn and worked this morning so that I can spend my extended birthday at the pool with a Swan Soul Sister! Besides, I’ve been dealing with some challenges and a little Swan Sister time will help me minimize them and maximize my best life…